Monday, September 17, 2007

"help my unbelief"

5 days of solid rain and cold here. the slums bleed with red clay and i realize that i have thoroughly mispacked. it has been hard to be here, especially after hearing about mimi. i don't know how much i am doing here. the city is rampant with expats and NGOs all trying to do the right thing and at the same time stealing jobs from capable kenyans. so many clothes have been donated here from the west that there is no local clothing industry. i went to buy something warm and there were redskins jerseys! what is more, the other white girls here complain when they see white people and are less friendly to them. i don't understand this reverse racism thing or why it is somehow more important to care for kenyans than americans. it is also troubling to me that though i, and many other mzungu here (white people), know nothing more than what the history books have told us about africa, the people here defer to us. there is a crisis of confidence that i'm sure has been instilled by all the decades of colonialism and white missionaries.
enough complaining. i am really blessed to be here and need to stop thinking about what else i could be doing. the other day in school one of my students said to me, "you are not in africa cha (teacher), you are somewhere far away." hopefully i've come back.

3 comments:

eileen Bakke said...

Dearest Margaret, Your observations are quite perceptive. It is hard to know how to love our neighbors and "do no harm." Giving dignity and worth to others is often better than a handout. We miss your beautiful smile and have you in our hearts. Keep loving and letting others love you!!

KLeigh said...

Your heart is as immense as your love of art and the blessing you are to our family. . .Africa will never been the same. Thank you for your insight and eyesight, as you document via photography.
Love,
Karen

Leah said...

it sounds really frustrating to think about how well meant help can hurt the economy. but i think that the human presence you bring and the concern that you show must mean something to the people there. i'm sure i would wonder living in a poor country and hearing about the west how people can just 'not care.' but if nothing else (although i'm sure you are many other things to the people), you're someone who cares....